why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
