I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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