Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just google imaged poop.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Houston, we have a squirter
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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