Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
