I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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