Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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