i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
