I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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