What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
