Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
