My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
