Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
