dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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