I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
