note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
