Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
