he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My ATM looks so different sober.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
