that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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