I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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