it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
