Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
