People in love make me want to vomit
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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