Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
