Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Someone signed my nipple.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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