Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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