How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
