normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
