worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
