So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had to coat check the pizza.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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