I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
