as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
