youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
