So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
