i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
