my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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