is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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