is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
