and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
