Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
