you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
