Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
