fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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