Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
