I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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