yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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