All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
