dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
