just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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