he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
