Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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