Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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