okay pat passed out under dana's car
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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