Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
