How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
