She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
