Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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