so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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