Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
