he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
