goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
