I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
