she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
