I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Randomize
